Monday, August 11, 2008

A Simply Dazzling Breakfast

We had a bit of a brain hiccup the other day that is a little embarrassing, so I thought I'd write about it on the Internet. Of course.

We spent a few days at a hotel in the Very Big City to take in some sights and visit friends. I was deeelighted not to have to cook or clean for four! whole! days!

The night before our last day Groom-boy and I thought it would be a nice treat to order room service for breakfast. The kids would get a kick out of it, we thought. So we perused the menu and filled out the form for a continental breakfast - $15. It boasted juice, coffee, fruit and a basket of baked goods with preserves. We chose danishes and muffins. It asked how many of us were in the room. We said four. We hung the order on the door before midnight, as instructed.

We don't get out much, truly, because we thought we would get our $15 continental breakfast with a few baked goods and enough glasses for the four of us. I expected I would be cutting muffins and danishes in half to share amongst us.

Do you see where this is going?

An enormous tray showed up for us promptly the next morning. Four continental breakfasts, ma'am, $77 plus tip.


Duh. What could I do? We said on the form there were four people. (Call me a picky communications-type person, but I do think they should reword that part so you can say how many "breakfasts" you want, not how many "people" are in the room. It would be helpful for those of us who are sleep-deprived, math-challenged parents.)

The Most Expensive Breakfast We've Ever Had consisted of a large jug of coffee, four glasses of orange juice, four oranges, four danishes, four muffins and various condiments - $77. Naturally the kids weren't interested in anything except for the orange juice. They opted for the Cheerios we had brought with us.

Groom-boy and I ate as much as we could and drank so much coffee we were floating - and still there was a third of a pot left. We wrapped and packed every food item except the butter.

Danish anyone? I still have some.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Charlie Brown Mwah Mwahs

The other day I was sitting in the backyard with Groom-boy's mama (Grandma). In a few short minutes I managed to bark out a series of commands/reprimands to the short people milling about - typical stuff. It dawned on me, though, how much I've started to sound like that grown-up voice you hear in the Charlie Brown cartoons - the mothers, the teachers, any adult authority figure.

"Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwaaaaaah mwaaaaaah."


Those cartoon folks had it pegged. I'm even tired of listening to myself!

So I thought I'd share with you some typical "Charlie Brown Mwah Mwahs" from our house. These are things you're likely to hear every day, at least once a day and often more:

1. Just a minute.
2. I'm coming.
3. Leave your sister alone.
4. Leave the cats alone.
5. Stop that right now!
6. Do you want to lose your computer privileges?
7. Boys and girls, what happens every time you goof around on the couch?
8. I don't want to have to call the ambulance!
9. D'ya hear me?
10. Stop kissing my butt, you weirdo!
11. How many times do I have to tell you?
12. Do you have to go potty?
13. Come here right now!
14. I don't know.
15. I don't know.
16. I don't know already!
17. No more snacks - it's too close to lunch.
18. No more snacks - it's too close to supper.
19. Boychild! What have I told you about leaving your wet swimming shorts on the hardwood floor?!
20. Do you want me to come in there?
21. Close the door.
22. Open the door.
23. Don't stand there with the fridge open!
24. Don't spill it.
25. Who spilled this?
26. What do you mean you don't like [insert food item] anymore? You liked it a few days ago!

Man, some of these are echoes from my childhood! Gulp.

Okay, now tell me some of yours.