Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Verns

Something weird is happening at our house. As usual.

I don't remember who started it and why, but it is a growing phenomenon.

Somebody started calling Boychild "Vern." It might have been me in an effort to hurry him along one day. I can hear myself saying, "C'mon, Vern. We're going to be late." I don't know why "Vern" instead of "Ambrose" or "Todd" or "Jimmy," but it has stuck.

Some days we call Boychild "Vern" more than we call him by his real name. In fact, there are probably a bunch of people who have encountered us at stores and such who think we have a boy named "Vern." Not that there's anything wrong with that. At one point Boychild complained, but now he seems to find it funny and has joined in the fun. You see, the Vernification of our household has spread. Girlchild is occasionally called "Vernette." Daddy is "Daddy Vern." I am "Mama Vern." The cats - either one of them at any given time - are "Vern Cat."

This is not really a new thing, but it is the first time it has been applied to people in the house. Years ago, for a reason that escapes both of us, we started calling MacGregor, our enormous tabby cat, "Schooley." I can't tell you why "Schooley" - I haven't the foggiest idea. Sometimes we call him "Pilot," too, but only when we pick him up to carry him and his back legs stick straight out - kind of like an airplane's tail.

I see some identity issues in our future. Therapy, for sure.


Mama P said...

Yo Vern Mama, are you awake? It's Mama VernP. I just want to tell you that you are doing fine. If you're not organized or ready for Xmas than none of us are. Do you think my house is as clean as the photos I posted? Are you fuckin' crazy, woman? I had to move shit left and right for each photo. Wait until you see the photo in my blog (posting later) about what my kids were doing while I took 15 minutes alone to snap photos. How dare me!

You are doing fine. And your daughter's song? LOL. You really crack my ass up.

PS: I hope you're not offended by cursing. I'm not supposed to curse. It's a very bad habit and beneath me. But I had a horrrrrrrible week. Too much friggin' drama. And I'm now all stinkin' sailory mad.

Good bye! Go! To! Sleep!

Steph said...

Looooved the kitchen photo. Very nice - and reassuring! I have serious hang-ups about my failings as a maid - I mean housekeeper, er, whatever. Your photo reminds me a bit of home on most regular days. I hate cat hair, by the way.

Hope your drama has subsided (I've been following it as best as I can while I try to clamber towards Christmas!). You are certainly generating lots of activity at BabyCenter, too! Sometime I'll tell you a story about husbands and dishes and dishwashers and minor drama. Thanks for your post! Oh - and feel free to swear.